I haven’t blogged since December 2010. Physically I have been fare to middling. Sometimes OK for a few days of joy and sun shine, then other days I crash and it’s a deep deep hole and it’s so black I can’t see any light at all. These are the days that never end. They affect me emotionally and mentally. Just to make things a little more complicated (Bare with me I am going somewhere with this) the timing and quantity of certain medications and my bodies tolerance rises. I have different pain killers that help in different ways depending on the type of pain I have.
Unfortunately taking these tablets have their own set of side effects. To list just a few they cause sleepiness, insomnia, depression, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, mood swings, hallucinations and constipation to name a few and yes I realise there is contradictions in the list and I’m not off the planet. (Well, not today!!! Yet!) I have had several operations and hospitalisations from complications and in some cases medical dependency. So without using this issues as an excuse, I have been a bit side tracked along the way and the odd speed hump just to slow me down.
It’s tough pouring out your heart and soul on a monthly basis. It’s not easy coming up with something meaningful and raw from one month to the next. I have been in a very bad place for about 11 months now and due to that I chose not to shear at that time. But now I feel
1) I’m able to purge this out with some degree of bias..... or is that third person perspective. Anyway you’ll get the idea shortly.
2) I’m able to make sense of it all for myself.
Just recently I attended a 30 year school reunion. I was a little hesitant as I suffer with poor memory and I am just the shell of the person I was at school, I didn’t think anyone would recognise me and or talk to me as from my memory I didn’t have any friends at school (Man how I was wrong). Surprisingly I had a good time. Quite a few people spoke with me as if it was like yesterday, most of them at the time I had no idea who they were until my wife gave me the debrief later the next day. There was one person I particularly remembered. I remembered some of the high school antics we got up too, but to my surprise we had been close mates since kindergarten. How can you spend your life on a daily basis (In this case 18 years) and not speak again for the next 30 years. It's seemed as though life just got in the way of our friendship.
The result of the school reunion prompted me to try and track down other people from my past that I had memories of but had no idea what had happened to them and where they were. I did try a few times to track down a person I sat next to in English a few times before, but I got nothing but dead ends and road blocks, and I probably didn’t try as hard as I could have, But now I am armed with an ace up my sleeve. I was able to get a few leads from the guy that organised the reunion. So armed with a new sense of determination I put on my detective hat on and started a journey into the past.
Using the social websites such as www.wotsdoin.com (FB and to a lesser extent myspace) I started searching with the leads I was given. To my surprise just about everyone responded positively and excepted my friendship and we fired up dialogue. Just like the Cold Chisel song "Flame Treës" (we started playing do you remember so and so). I court up with their lives between the years. Who they married and our divorced. Those that were still waiting for that special someone. How many if any children and where they live. It was great to hear from them all. I found it very therapeutic, bringing back some wonderful memories that I had long forgotten. How did the years come between us? Why did we both let them go? And the lives we’ve lead in between us, just waiting for that fork in the road, to bring me back to you!
Oh and by the way I found the person I set next to every day in english! Its funny how life swings around eventually. I recommend you try it. You will never no what my be in store.
Unfortunately taking these tablets have their own set of side effects. To list just a few they cause sleepiness, insomnia, depression, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, mood swings, hallucinations and constipation to name a few and yes I realise there is contradictions in the list and I’m not off the planet. (Well, not today!!! Yet!) I have had several operations and hospitalisations from complications and in some cases medical dependency. So without using this issues as an excuse, I have been a bit side tracked along the way and the odd speed hump just to slow me down.
It’s tough pouring out your heart and soul on a monthly basis. It’s not easy coming up with something meaningful and raw from one month to the next. I have been in a very bad place for about 11 months now and due to that I chose not to shear at that time. But now I feel
1) I’m able to purge this out with some degree of bias..... or is that third person perspective. Anyway you’ll get the idea shortly.
2) I’m able to make sense of it all for myself.
Just recently I attended a 30 year school reunion. I was a little hesitant as I suffer with poor memory and I am just the shell of the person I was at school, I didn’t think anyone would recognise me and or talk to me as from my memory I didn’t have any friends at school (Man how I was wrong). Surprisingly I had a good time. Quite a few people spoke with me as if it was like yesterday, most of them at the time I had no idea who they were until my wife gave me the debrief later the next day. There was one person I particularly remembered. I remembered some of the high school antics we got up too, but to my surprise we had been close mates since kindergarten. How can you spend your life on a daily basis (In this case 18 years) and not speak again for the next 30 years. It's seemed as though life just got in the way of our friendship.
The result of the school reunion prompted me to try and track down other people from my past that I had memories of but had no idea what had happened to them and where they were. I did try a few times to track down a person I sat next to in English a few times before, but I got nothing but dead ends and road blocks, and I probably didn’t try as hard as I could have, But now I am armed with an ace up my sleeve. I was able to get a few leads from the guy that organised the reunion. So armed with a new sense of determination I put on my detective hat on and started a journey into the past.
Using the social websites such as www.wotsdoin.com (FB and to a lesser extent myspace) I started searching with the leads I was given. To my surprise just about everyone responded positively and excepted my friendship and we fired up dialogue. Just like the Cold Chisel song "Flame Treës" (we started playing do you remember so and so). I court up with their lives between the years. Who they married and our divorced. Those that were still waiting for that special someone. How many if any children and where they live. It was great to hear from them all. I found it very therapeutic, bringing back some wonderful memories that I had long forgotten. How did the years come between us? Why did we both let them go? And the lives we’ve lead in between us, just waiting for that fork in the road, to bring me back to you!
Oh and by the way I found the person I set next to every day in english! Its funny how life swings around eventually. I recommend you try it. You will never no what my be in store.
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